Skywards
by iheartsergeantsmith
Summary: 'And bury me in all my favourite colours. I will not kiss you 'cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.' Ronnie, and Jack. Set before the pregnancy and before the engagement.
1. Chapter 1

_Skywards_

_AN: Very slight inspiration taken from A Walk To Remember, also, little bits from my personal experiences. Serious topic covered- hope I can do it justice. I have wanted to write this for a while, but it's a sensitive subject to write about properly and I've always been a bit scared to. I'm going to try and write it as it is, no fluffing about, so if you think you will be affected by it, I wouldn't carry on. Thanks guys, and I'd love feedback so I can know how I did._

_Does start as a little bit of bedroom material, but I'm trying **not **to be smutty with it. It's important to the story._

_Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or EastEnders (and I don't enjoy breaking apart Ronnie's life.. I'll put it back together later, promise.)_

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Tipping her head back and moaning softly as each love-mark graced her neck, Ronnie moaned softly. She ran her hand up the neck of the man doing the deed, tangling her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. She arched her back towards him out of instinct and felt his expert fingers undo each button on her shirt. Finally rid of the garment, she allowed herself to melt under his touch; his kisses that fell like scattered snowflakes against her collarbone, each one a drop of desire on her skin.

A husky chuckle left her lips a moment later as he fumbled clumsily with the lace of her bra, her lips breaking away from his in a giggle as he cocked up what had been a truly romantic moment.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with this thing…" he muttered,

Ronnie took her hands from his back and unclipped the front of her bra, laughing at the look on Jack's face.

"What woman invented that?" he chuckled, kissing her lips deeply as he dropped the garment on the floor and made up for the day's earlier arguments, warmth running through her belly and legs as he finally did as she had been yearning for.

"I can't believe you, you know, still." She half-whispered, pleasure flooding her senses.

"How do you mean?" he murmured, his lips still stunning her skin with kisses, his movements making his love for her so clear.

"Well when I met you, I thought you were all mouth and no trousers." she could hear the smile in his tone as he murmured back to her,

"And what do you think now?"

"You are definitely all trousers, no doubt about it."

Her nails grazed his shoulder gently as he treated her every bit as special as she deserved, exciting her in ways only he could. Her heavy eyelids slid closed as she succumbed to his magic, the touch that stirred embers in her belly.

Her eyes opened to his voice a moment later: "Ron." He said; his voice was soft yet holding some kind of urgency. His fingers had stumbled upon her secret, the tender lump of harboured guilt.

"Mmm…?" She looked up into the eyes that she expected to be full of dark sparkle, yet that were so dull. He didn't say another word; he didn't have to. His hand was to her breast, his breath was held and his mouth was dry. He knew, and he knew she did too.

The blue in her eyes flickered, and she looked away, counting the perfume bottles on the nightstand: Pink, crystal clear, light blue. It took a moment for her to react, and in that moment he watched her. Not sure of exactly what was going through her mind, but betting it had something similar to what was going through his.

Ronnie placed her hand over his and quietly took it off her body.

"Don't," She uttered gently, sighing softly as he rested his forehead against hers. As he went to open his mouth, she shook her head, her eyes still closed, and she whispered, "don't spoil it."

Ronnie sighed. She sighed for how she would miss the way they laughed together, the way he treated her like a friend as well as a lover. She would miss these times the most; the nights they put everything else aside and focused on themselves. The articulate way that he would lavish attention on her in the nighttimes, no matter how much they had argued that day. From now on, she knew she would no longer be his girl; she'd be his burden, a child, and most of all, his grievance.


	2. Chapter 2

Woooah, I never update this quickly :D Thanks to Abi, JaimeeLovee'sMikeyy, Louise, Ruby8 and especially Roch cause your review was so lovely it spurred me on to write another chapter :) Please keep reviewing guys :)

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**Chapter 2**

**"Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow"**

When their midnight liaisons came to an end, Ronnie rested her head on Jack's shoulder.

"Definitely all trousers," she said, kissing his shoulder.

"I aim to please," he grinned cheekily, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"You always do."

The room was littered with their clothes, with the lace that had previously held her body. The door was just ajar, the bedcovers creased and pushed to the bottom of the bed, and the bedside draw that should have been so important had never been opened.

He put his hand to her waist and ran it lightly up her side, cupping her breast and nuzzling her cheek with his nose, silently asking her to open her eyes. When she looked up, her eyes were clouded with something he didn't recognise.

"Relax, I'm not leaving you," she smiled softly.

"Have you been to the hospital about it?" he asked, his voice concerned, his brow wrinkling as he looked at her. She shook her head, and there was a little forced smile on her face.

"I know you want to protect me Jack, but just leave it for tonight yeah? It's been so perfect, just... Let it stay that way for now."

He was surprised she could be so calm, but she wasn't, not really. Her insides were churning, and she felt sick. She masked it and closed her eyes, cuddling closer. She kissed his jaw softly, and moaned quietly as he began to place tiny, barely there kisses on her skin. His tongue touched her neck each time just after his lips had, making her smile once more. He certainly knew how to keep her mind off the bad things. She could tell he wasnt after anything, either, he was only doing it to make her happy. So when his hands journeyed from her hair down her back, to her thighs, she let him. When his lips followed suit down her body, she trembled with need. She stopped him when she was done, when she'd had enough sweetness. She was exhausted.

"…Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

The day Ronnie Mitchell apologised was the day pigs would fly, or so he had thought. "What for?"

She sighed before answering; "Not telling you… I didn't want you to worry, and I didn't want things to change between us."

"Ron, they won't change."

Ronnie focused her gaze on the wall ahead of her and stared at it blankly as her eyes glazed over. She knew things would change. Well, if something was wrong anyway. He cared about her too much.

"Can I have my night time shot of vodka?" she smiled into his skin as she imagined him rolling his eyes and heard him breathe out deeply as he got up.

"What did your last slave die of?"

"He didn't, I fired him." She grinned and snuggled under the covers.

When he returned, she took the shot glass from his hand and downed it, relishing the burning trail it formed down her throat and knowing that in a few minutes it would begin to numb the nightmares she had had since she was a little girl. It was a weird habit she had, but an understandable one.

"We'll be fine Ron… You'll be fine."

He lay back down, and she sniffed quietly, the weight of her head on his chest, her eyelashes fluttering gently against his skin as she slipped into her dreams; contentedly using his chest as her pillow.

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** I know it's pretty short- sorry :( but i wanted to update speedily :D  
If you want more, then please reviewww! xx**


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for reviewing everyone- another chapter especially for you all.

Lauraz- I've been trying to keep it realistic for now, I'm glad it came across that way!  
Louise- I love your enthusiasm! Your reviews always make me smile! Ronnie has a lump (she doesn't know it's cancer but hey, it's Ronnie, it won't all be plain sailing ;) As for the drawer... wait and see :D  
Chester- Thanks for the review, I updated pretty quick again (there's something wrong with me haha!)  
Iamepical- Yay :D I was trying to get the happy and sad mashed together  
Abi- Yep, diagnosis coming soon... brace yourself haha :P  
Katherine and Jamiee 'TheCoolest- Thanks for taking the time to review- much appreciated (:

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"**Love is a great beautifier."**

If he'd not loved her so much, maybe he'd have noticed her losing weight. Perhaps he'd have noticed her complexion reducing in colour and elasticity. Maybe he'd have seen her start to look old. But he hadn't, and neither had she.

If he'd paid more attention to her eating habits, he might have clocked that her appetite had crashed, that she ate no breakfast now, and ate only half a plate at lunch and dinner.

Jack had woken early - although he had barely slept in the first place - and went into the bathroom to blast away his worries with a hot shower. He returned to the bedroom a while later and slipped back into bed, just lying close to Ronnie, not touching her. Just looking. His eyes traced her features, wondering if they'd go to waste. People tell you to focus on the positive, but at times like these it is near impossible. It's a given that you're going to fear the worst.

He saw her eyes twitch slightly as she dreamed and watched her hair fall over her face as she snuggled into the pillow. She had a smile on her face, but he didn't. He wondered what she was dreaming of, why she didn't have the same fear as he did. He lifted his hand to her face and moved the hair out of it, stroking over her cheek.

"It's rude for a man to stare at a sleeping woman." She murmured without opening her eyes.

"It's just as rude for such women to fool the man into believing she's asleep." He grinned, kissing her shoulder.

"Breakfast?" he offered

"Coffee please, servant," she laughed at his face and fluffed up his hair, "Don't pretend to be upset, you love being teased; you love the attention."

He gave a muffled grunt in reply, but she could tell he was smiling as he left the room. She turned over and leant on her elbow as she waited for him to return, having noticed his lack of clothing when he had left.

"Mmm," she bit her lip as he came in carrying a mug in each hand. Her eyes cheekily flickered over his body, and she smirked into his eyes. He was wearing nothing but his boxers, and she took great pride in the fact that he was hers and only hers.

"Didn't think you'd be up for taking advantage this morning,"

"Don't ruin it Jack." She said curtly, taking her mug from him and curling up with it in bed.

"I just think we should get you checked out. Leaves less chance for worry."

"Also leaves more chance for heartache that we don't need. I am fine."

"I know you probably are, but…"

Ronnie sighed deeply. "I knew you'd be like this."

"Like what?"

"Like this! All overprotective!"

"I'm not being overprotective Ronnie." He said it with a seriousness, and he used her full(ish) name. He never did that unless he was angry or being very earnest. To him she was always 'Ron'.

She had avoided his eyes, but she knew he was right. "Fine."

She had tried her hardest to pretend she didn't care, to add another layer to her suit of armour, but as they entered the doctor's surgery later that day, she unconsciously tightened her grip on his hand.

The doctor instructed her to take off her shirt and bra, and she shot Jack a fleeting glance before complying. He felt under her arm, up to her armpit and down her side. She closed her eyes as the doctor felt her breast, his touch was harsh compared to how Jack's had been. And when his hand pressed just under her collar bone, it only reminded her where Jack had dropped his kisses late yesterday evening.

Ronnie cringed as the doctor asked her all sorts of questions in front of Jack. Even though they'd been together ages and knew each other inside out, it was humiliating. She was asked when her last period was, if she'd noticed swelling on her breast, if it was tender to the touch or if there was any bloody discharge.

"The only thing that's changed is that there is a lump in my body." She said stiffly. The doctor asked what changes she had noticed within herself and her body, about her eating and working habits, her 'bedroom' habits, and the one Ronnie had been dreading: when had she first noticed the lump.

"Two weeks ago." She had murmured, avoiding Jack's gaze.

"I'm going to refer you to the oncology unit at St Hughes. It's probably nothing to worry about, the lump could be benign. 70 percent of cases are."

Ronnie nodded uneasily, "When's that?"

"I have an appointment here in a week. We try to process these kind of enquiries faster, to put patients' minds at rest."

Jack stood up, "And until then? We just have to wait?"

"Mr Branning I'm afraid there's nothing else I can do." Ronnie nodded thankfully at the doctor and took Jack calmly from the room.

"Don't make a spectacle of yourself," she said softly, "You heard what he said, it's most likely benign anyway, and that's nothing to worry about. It's just a lump Jack."

"It's not just a lump Ron! That lump could kill you!"

He regretted saying it immediately, and looked at her apologetically.

She had hardly reacted. "It's okay," she soothed him, taking his hand and rubbing it with her thumb. He was still irate with the doctor, and worrying about her, she knew that.

"So what do we do now?"

"Now," she said, "we wait."

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**I really hope I'm doing ok with the characterisation. I think in this kind of situation, Ronnie would probably be numb to it, convincing herself it's not true.**  
**Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter :) You never know, it might make me update quicker ;) Love Kell x**


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